I'm in L.A. for the weekend. Watch for me as a presenter for the Emmy Awards on Sunday, with Brooke Shields. I'll be back in N.Y Monday.






Holy crap, I'm going to be dancing on live television Monday.

Monday is my final performance as Polonius in Hamlet for Shakespeare in the Park. It'll be nice to have my evenings back, again. But I won't be idle for long. I can finally reveal what my next project will be, since I've got the OK from ABC. I'm going to be one of the contestants on Dancing With the Stars. No, really. Look.

[ provides a link to the Dancing With the Stars official site, but on the video clip that gives the rundown of the 'Lucky 13 Contestants', imagine a photo of Neil popping up, and the voice saying, "the Funny Man" ]

I've got until the 22ed of Sept to get my ass into shape. I already do a lot of walking, but... I'm going to have lift my partner.




I have a feeling I'll be making frequent calls to my chiropractor.

Tell me the truth now... which do you think looks better on me? My blue dress, or the green one?

For those keeping track of these things, my play opened tonight. Get your tickets now to avoid disappointment.

I'm quite pleased with the show. Of course, the actor playing Polonius is awesome.

Have you guys become tired of me? Not yet? Well, I'm back again, with this news...this may come as a shock, but a prominent anti-homosexual Republican attorney general has apparently been caught having homosexual sex intercourse with his homosexual gay male assistant. Bonus: The dude’s wife caught him, in their bed. This is the rumor that the AG’s office has officially denied, so now of course everybody is spilling the sordid details.

Attorney general in question is Troy King, who, of course, is only interested in outlawing homosexuality and sex toys. His gay lover is either a college “buddy,” or a very young youngster and “Homecoming King” from Troy University. What are the odds of a dude named Troy King getting caught in bed with a Homecoming King from Troy University? This seems like a wacky sitcom plot, on a gay porn channel.

If this is even HALF true, it's still a classic. Almost predictable, actually. I feel so good, that I think I'll celebrate by dressing in drag and going to make reservations for Palm Court at the Plaza. I wonder if I tried to call Louis

I took this photo a couple of weeks ago while taking my walk through Central Park, but just got around to uploading it from my phone to the computer. It's a sign that was on the back of one of those bicycle rickshaws, being driven by a black man with dreadlocks. ( Under the cut )


( Private to Nigel )

( Private to David )

I returned from England, and while I can say 'safe', I don't think it's right to describe myself as 'sound', as I haven't been of sound mind for years. Filming my scene in Half-Blood Prince went well. If you don't know, I'm cast in the role of Mundungus Fletcher - I wore so much makeup, I could barely recognise myself. The scene I filmed was so short, I'd be surprised if it makes the theatres, but basically, Harry Potter hands Mundungus his ass after finding out he's been stealing from Sirius' home. The director wanted to introduce the character in this movie, since he'll play a little larger role in the next... which means there will be a good chance I'll be in Deathly Hallows, too. No contracts have been signed, though. I had fun doing it, and got the chance to play with the Tales over there in London.

It was back to work on Tuesday. My next role is that of Polonius in Hamlet for Central Park's Public Theater. Last weekend, the musical Hair ended, and the crew started breaking down the set on Monday. Tuesday, they began putting up ours and hanging the lights. We had our first rehearsal on the stage, yesterday. It's always a bit trying, the first time you move out of the rehearsal hall, and the director decided to change some of our blocking. All in all, it was as expected. We'll be having this holiday weekend off, but come Monday, we'll be rehearsing just about every day. The show goes up on the 22ed of July, so buy your tickets to avoid disappointment.

What are (American) people going to do to celebrate the 4th of July? A barbecue sounds in order.

Expand your vocabulary.

From Dictionary.com's Word of the Day:

Cockaigne \kah-KAYN\, noun:

An imaginary land of ease and luxury.

Cockaigne comes from Middle English cokaygne, from Middle French (pais de) cocaigne "(land of) plenty," ultimately adapted or derived from a word meaning "cake."

My definition is somewhat different. I have a dirty, dirty mind.

In other news, I'll be flying to Heathrow this evening and spending a few days in England, filming my minuscule scenes for Harry Potter. I profusely apologise to my dear, sweet wife for deserting her in a time of deep desperation, but I shall make it up to her.

whoopie goldberg irritates the hell out of me

It's been a busy weekend. First went to Las Vegas for a couple of days, took in some greats shows, and then flew over to L.A. to participate in the Gay Pride Parade in West Hollywood. And what a better way to celebrate life than to get married!

Allow me to introduce you to my wife, Mrs Mildred Jillian Lampart. I am now Mr Neil McLaughlin-Lampart, though I'll be using my maiden name for work purposes.

Don't believe me?

[posted is a photo of Mildred wearing a turquoise tuxedo from the 1950's and Neil wearing a strapless wedding gown from the same era, both with sunglasses and in the back seat of a pink Cadillac convertible with Elvis as their chauffer, under the Las Vegas sign. Neil is leaning his feet out the car to show off his high heels, and both he and Mildred are cracking up. Elvis is wearing a sneer, just like they told him to do.]

I know what you people are thinking. You're thinking, "Neil! I thought you were homosexual! Why'd you marry a lady?"

Well, in honor of Pride Week, I'm going to expose the truth. Though none of you knew, Mildred is actually a guy. A pretty convincing one at that, to have fooled you all these years.

Presents and flowers are unnecessary - we ask only for your well wishes in our new life of wedded bliss.

( Private to Mildred )

Early today I heard about the fire at Universal Studios, and a part of me felt as though it had died.

Then I just read that Yves Saint Laurent has passed away.

Distraction is needed. I require suggestions for songs that one may strip to. And a drink.